Pancakes for the Internet
me: [gently touches the sleeping cat]
cat: [makes a tiny cat noise]
me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo ohh noo ohhhhh nooooooo oh no oh nooooo oh my god oh noooo

dat-soldier:

officialunitedstates:

I want to be the first person on the moon to shoot a sniper rifle at earth and hit a wasp nest.  my whole life so far is leading up to that moment

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sirenlovesong:

ariannagrandeofficial:

big-chicken:

cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat

this cat lives in a show horse barn which is why it walks and runs that way

THIS CAT THINKS ITS A HORSE

sirenlovesong:

ariannagrandeofficial:

big-chicken:

cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat

this cat lives in a show horse barn which is why it walks and runs that way

THIS CAT THINKS ITS A HORSE

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
zombiedogdraws:

bienenkiste:

Ph. Lobke Leijser

I DIDNT UNDERSTAND THAT SHE WAS WEARING A SWEATER WITH WHITE SLEEVES I ONLY SAW THE BLACK AND GOT REALLY SCARED BECAUSE I THOUGHT SHE HAD FREAKISHLY SKINNY SLENDERMAN ARMS OH GOD

zombiedogdraws:

bienenkiste:

Ph. Lobke Leijser

I DIDNT UNDERSTAND THAT SHE WAS WEARING A SWEATER WITH WHITE SLEEVES I ONLY SAW THE BLACK AND GOT REALLY SCARED BECAUSE I THOUGHT SHE HAD FREAKISHLY SKINNY SLENDERMAN ARMS OH GOD

dangerhamster:

JACK HARKNESS MEETING BUCKY AND STEVE IN THE 1940s AND FLIRTING FURIOUSLY WITH BOTH OF THEM

JACK HARKNESS SEEING THEM AGAIN IN THE 21ST CENTURY AND THEY’RE ALL EQUALLY CONFUSED AS EACH OTHER

godheadcomplex:

this one pic of sasuke is better than all of attack on titan

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operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

evil-bones-mccoy:

"she shouldn’t have worn that skirt to the frat party."

"yeah, well, archduke franz ferdinand shouldn’t have been wandering around sarajevo in an open-top car, so i guess he was asking to be murdered, too."